A couple weeks before your birthday, you got a little drunk and made a confession that you sometimes really miss having sex without all the non-stop silliness and goofing around. Your girlfriend was a little hurt at first, but she sees your point. Not that she's going to—or even could—change for you, but, for your birthday, she decides to be a little more “adult” for you. Thing is, she knows herself too well to trust that she won’t break character, so she decides to make a recording first: a dirty little ramble that you’ll have to listen to on headphones, blindfolded and all bound up, while she does her thing. Be careful for what you wish for, fellas.